daninpd

When I build a new house I'm going to find the guy that installed these windows and hire him to install mine.

Okay. 3 pound Tomahawk. Whatchu gonna do? That's big enough to use as a weapon if needed. As Robin Williams said, "I'm waiting with a worm on my tongue" (baited breath).

And people doubt the veracity of the Press!

I came across a good example where some wit took the disease du jour in the US and replaced the "M" with a "D" and made it into a tee-shirt. I can't post it here or the thought police would be on me like white on rice, but use your imaginations and then Google it.

I thought this deserved a thread of its own. Feel free to add any you come across or make yourself. ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (N.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners: 1. Bozone (N.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 2. Foreploy (V): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 3. Cashtration (N.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 4. Giraffiti (N): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 5. Sarchasm (N): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 6. Inoculatte (V): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 7. Hipatitis (N): Terminal coolness. 8. Osteopornosis (N): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 9. Karmageddon (N): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 10. Decafalon (N.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 11. Glibido (V): All talk and no action. 12. Dopeler effect (N): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 13. Arachnoleptic fit (N.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 14. Beelzebug (N.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 15. Caterpallor (N.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: 16. Ignoranus (N): A person who's both stupid and an ####

If it was a fart joke, the horse. Most of them have a sense of humor, usually of the "Made you look" variety.

Don't you love it when everybody gets the joke?

My last selfie.

Wow, hibachis have come a long way since I had a little cheap cast iron thingy with a ladder rack in back. In college, maybe? That one and the version with the latching dome look pretty handy.

Wow, you guys have more esoteric tastes than I do. My deep dive into that sort of thing was a '64 International Harvester Scout. Learned how to apply bandaids to skinned knuckles and colorful language learned in the Army to a transfer case. The best I can say is it got you where you wanted to go and always limped home before it broke down (again).

Followed by "Because I said so!"

If Mom ran the State Transportation Department.

I just thought I would share this picture of a mature supercell thunderstorm in Texas. It looks like the sky is exploding and makes me think of the first microsecond of the Big Bang. And Douglas Adams explanation of the Big Bang: "In the beginning there was nothing. Then it blew up."

More advice for parents:

I have often thought I don't envy parents trying to raise little ones today, but this is a aspect I didn't consider.